The Power of Vulnerability: How It Shapes Our Nervous System & Heals Relationships
Vulnerability is often seen as a risky leap into the unknown—a place where we expose our rawest selves and hope for acceptance. But vulnerability is more than a daring act; it’s a transformative tool deeply embedded in our nervous system. When embraced, vulnerability can cultivate profound connections between people, foster healing from trauma, and become the gateway to true emotional freedom.
The Science of Vulnerability and the Nervous System
Our nervous system is at the core of how we experience vulnerability. According to Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges and popularized in trauma therapy by Deb Dana, our nervous system is designed to seek safety and connection. When we feel safe, our nervous system enters a regulated state known as the “ventral vagal state”. In this state, we are much more open to connection, compassionate, and are capable of sharing ourselves authentically.
Co-Regulation: The Dance of Safety Between Nervous Systems
Co-regulation is a crucial concept in Polyvagal theory. It refers to the process by which two people’s nervous systems communicate and influence each other to achieve a state of mutual safety. It’s the feeling you get when you’re around someone who makes you feel calm and understood—the sense that “I am safe with you.”
When both parties feel safe and attuned, their nervous systems are in a harmonious state, creating a secure environment where vulnerability can be expressed and received without fear of judgment or rejection.
This dance of co-regulation can:
- Deepen emotional intimacy and trust: When you sense that the other person is genuinely present and receptive, it strengthens the bond between you. Vulnerability becomes the foundation of a deeper emotional connection.
- Facilitate healing from trauma: Trauma often leaves us feeling disconnected from ourselves and others. Co-regulation, fostered through vulnerability, helps repair this disconnection, bringing a sense of safety and wholeness back into the relationship.
- Support emotional resilience: When you experience co-regulation, your nervous system learns that it’s okay to be seen, heard, and accepted. This reinforces the ability to handle difficult emotions and life challenges in the future.
Why Vulnerability is Vital for Healing Trauma
Trauma disrupts our nervous system, often pushing us into survival states like “fight, flight, or freeze.” In these states, vulnerability feels dangerous and exposure is avoided at all costs. However, true healing from trauma requires us to gently step out of these defensive states and into a space where vulnerability is welcomed.
By sharing our pain and emotions with others—whether a trusted friend, partner, or counsellor/therapist/coach—we begin to reclaim our voice and agency. This act of vulnerability sends messages to our nervous system over time, that it’s okay to relax, be present, and experience our feelings without the need to flee or protect ourselves.
The Role of Therapy in Navigating Fear and Vulnerability
Counselling/therapy/coaching serves as a bridge between fear and vulnerability. When we enter a therapeutic relationship, we’re often in a state where our nervous system feels unsafe, guarded, and resistant to change. A skilled practitioner helps create a safe container for vulnerability to unfold. By providing a stable and non-judgmental presence, the therapist’s regulated nervous system offers a model for co-regulation. The nervous system can begin to rewire its responses to vulnerability. Over time, the client learns that it’s safe to be vulnerable, and healing has the possibility to take root.
What Happens When You Share with a Mental Health Practitioner?
Sharing your inner world with a mental health practitioner allows you to experience vulnerability in a controlled and supportive environment.
This process can:
- Dismantle fear-based patterns: When we voice our fears and traumas, we start breaking the silence that often holds these patterns in place. By naming and expressing what’s been hidden, the nervous system begins to release its grip on survival responses.
- Build new pathways of trust: Repeated experiences of being seen and heard in a safe space builds new neural pathways in the brain that associate vulnerability with safety, rather than danger.
- Create lasting changes in emotional regulation: As we practice vulnerability and co-regulation in therapy, these changes extend beyond the therapeutic space, transforming how we relate to ourselves and others in our daily lives.
Embracing Vulnerability for Deeper Connection
Choosing vulnerability is a powerful step toward reconnecting with yourself and others. It’s through vulnerability that we experience authentic relationships, co-regulate with those around us, and heal from past traumas. By understanding its profound impact on our nervous system, we can begin to see vulnerability not as a weakness, but as a courageous act that paves the way for true healing and emotional freedom.
Whether it’s through counselling/therapy/coaching, self-reflection, or intentional conversations with loved ones, inviting more vulnerability into your life can radically alter your experience of connection, safety, and joy.
Written by Bobbi McDougall
Coach & Nervous System Practitioner